Fred's Parasite

Fred: I don't normally eat chocolate but I'm having food urges
Gordonna: Food cravings?
Gordonna: Hmmm.
Gordonna: Have you noticed swelling ankles?
Fred: *checks*
Gordonna: Tenderness of the breasts?
Fred: Yes and yes...w-what does this mean?
Gordonna: ... I don't quite know how to put this, Mr. Winston...
Gordonna: You have a parasite.
Fred: *shudders*
Gordonna: I'm guessing you've had this parasite for about two months now.
Gordonna: Which gives you a good 7 months until it can be removed.
Gordonna: Though it may come out of its own volition.
Fred: ....and then?
Gordonna: And then you can knit it little booties and arrange play dates with the other proud owners of similar parasite.
Fred: *sigh*
Fred: I can't knit
Fred: I'm just not ready for all of this.... I wanted to have a career, a life....
Gordonna: There's always kicking yourself in the stomach.
Fred: But then, then there'll be a dead thing inside me.
Gordonna: That's why vacuum cleaners were invented, silly.
Fred: I don't know if Henry would appreciate something dead inside him either :\
Gordonna: You can borrow mine
Fred: Is your vacum cleaner a soulless one? Without eyes and a smile?
Gordonna: Yuuuup (:
Fred: So I beat myself in the stomach and this beast shall die? Then I vaccum it out and NEVER tell anybody it ever happened
Gordonna: Exxxxactly.
Gordonna: You could uh... Give the beast to me, if you don't want it
Fred: Dead or alive?
Gordonna: However it comes out
Fred: What if um... what if it comes out as a walrus?
Fred: Not that I'm saying that I erm, got up to anything last time I went fishing
Gordonna: Don't worry about it. Anything you say to me is entirely confidential.
Fred: It had been a long fishing trip, mostly fruitless...
Fred: And he was there, laying on the rocks, he offered me one of his fish and I couldn't say no
Gordonna: Go on..
Fred: He put a flipper round me.... I didn't object *sigh* I should've objected
Gordonna: I would classfiy this as rape! You should report this, he can't do this to a young innocent lad.
Robert: His name was Rupurt, but that was probably a lie... He gave me a number that doesn't work
Gordonna: This is so sad
Gordonna: *sniffle*
Robert: I think I might keep it... If I fry the baby then that'll be a big bitch slap to him...
Gordonna: Then invite him over and make him eat it!
Gordonna: I like your style.
Fred: I love it.
Fred: "So... Rupurt... enjoying your son, *cough* I mean steak." *stares coldly*
Gordonna: HaHA! stick it to him, girlfran!