Princess Fred

Imogen says: Do you remember when you were a beautiful princess?
Imogen says: That was fun
Fred says: Yes, now I'm an old slag.
Imogen says: You had the most fabulous hair
Fred says: Now it is thinning and grey :(
Imogen says: yup
Imogen says: Look at how you've let yourself go
Imogen says: It's disgusting
Fred says: Everything was so easy after I got married
Imogen says: I'm ashamed of you!
Imogen says: Go pump yourself with Botox or never darken my doorway again
Fred says: Look, Matron, your shame meant something when I was but a teenage princess but now I'm the queen of everything.
Imogen says: I have most sensitive and delicate eyes
Imogen says: your appearance is a harsh and burning heat on my aesthetic sensibilities
Imogen says: Even Vogue says you're washed up
Imogen says: Matron I may be, but I'm still Queen of the tabloid manipulation brigade
Fred says: But... Vogue loved me....
Imogen says: (headline of VOGUE: Imogen is sexiest person ever, Fred washed up slag)
Fred says: *weeps*
Imogen says: *cackles*
Fred says: And what about Vanity Fair?
Imogen says: (VANITY FAIR headline: Imogen Rulez, Fred Droolz and Totally Needs Botox)
Fed says: *sighs*
Fred says: I just know Hello magazine has disowned me.....
Imogen says: You don't really want to know what the Hello headline was
Imogen says: Frankly, I'd say it was unprintable, but standards are dropping everywhere these days...
Imogen says: Not like when I was young.
Imogen says: *knocks back alcoholic prune juice*
Fred says: Um...
Fred says: Matron....
Fred says: Tell me how I can be beautiful again...
Imogen says: Ahem
Imogen says: *croons: Come closer, my pretty, ever closer....*
Fred says: *does so*
Imogen says: (still crooning:) First, my dear, how much do you want it...?
Fred says: (I want it bad...)
Imogen says: (enough to...Die...?)
Imogen says: *bites neck viciously*
Fred says: *watches all of Disneys back catalogue*
Fred says: (No.)
Imogen says: Excuse me
Imogen says: Look, I'm draining you of your life blood here
Imogen says: the least you can do is pay attention
Fred says: And I'm telling you to stop.
Imogen says: ...Nah...
Imogen says: *drools redly*
Fred says: You could at least eat tidily, Matron.
Imogen says: Shutup.
Imogen says: *saps final drops*
Fred says: So, what now?
Imogen says: *croons once more*
Do you wish to die, my pretty, or join me as my servant in eternal light and beauty?
Fred says: Servant?!
Imogen says: (Vanity Fair will love you)
Fred says: SERVANT?!
Imogen says: (so will Vogue)
Fred says: TO YOU?!?!
Imogen says: (And Hello)
Fred says: My my, Matron! How lofty your thoughts have turned of late!
Fred says: ME?!
Fred says: YOUR QUEEN, your servant?!
Imogen says: OK! will probably do an entire section on you
Imogen says: They may even let you keep the clothes
Fred says: And what of Cosmo?
Fred says: Or Glamour?
Fred says: Now and Womans Weekly?
Imogen says: Cosmo agrees to have you on the cover, but only if you offer alluring sex tips
Imogen says: it's the same deal Elvis got.
Fred says: *sighs*
Fred says: I accept....
Imogen says: Glamour is clamouring for vampire booty on the cover
Fred says: *weeps*
Imogen says: Great! Drink this
Imogen says: *offers clotting goo*
Fred says: *knocks it back*
Imogen says: Hey! That's some mighty expensive goo you're knocking back there!
Imogen says: Onto a mighty expensive carpet!
Fred says: All for Princess!
Imogen says: Listen, drink the goo.
Imogen says: It tastes a lot nicer than wheatgrass and is twice as slimming
Fred says: *drinks it all up*
Imogen says: *sucks remnants off carpet* Waste not, want not
Imogen says: ...
Imogen says: HAHAHAHAAAA
Fred says: Wha....
Imogen says: By drinking the goo, you have made yourself my eternal SLAVE!
Imogen says: HAHAHAHAHAAAAA
Imogen says: *disappears in a puff of smoke*
Fred says: Well.... I.... where'd you go?
Imogen says: *to California. At this exact moment in time I am endulging in furious Celebrating-My-Evil-Genius sex with my gorgeous but thankfully mute butler, Paulo*
Fred says: :
Fred says: BUTLER?!?!
Fred says: Not a male concubine?!
Imogen says: *Butler is what is says on the payslip, but we all know what he really is*
Fred says: And when do the good headlines roll in for me?
Fred says: *reads Vogue*
Fred says: "Princess sells soul."
Fred says: "What a whore."
Fred says: "Faceless tart."
Fred says: :
Imogen says: *COSMO headline: Imogen's super-hot furious celebrating my evil genius sex tips*
Fred says: *sigh*
Imogen says: *Reappears in a puff of smoke and victory*
Imogen says: Hello slave.
Fred says: *meakly nods*
Imogen says: You will find me a not quite unkind mistress
Imogen says: Here, have a make-over courtesy of my other slave, Jesus
Imogen says: He's a hair and beauty stylist
Fred says: *sits and is styled*
Imogen says: Jesus: Permed or straightened, my love?
Fred says: Straightened, it'll go with my new dead look
Imogen says: Jesus: Right. *burns hair*
Fred says: :(:(
Imogen says: HAHAHAHAAAA
Imogen says: Now you have burnt hair!
Imogen says: *disappears in a puff of smoke*
Fred says: WHY?!
Fred says: YOU SAID YOU WERE NOT UNKIND!
Imogen says: *distant sound of cackling*
Fred says: *SIGH*
Imogen says: (I only reappeared down the corridor, where I am now indulging in a victory smoke)
Imogen says: *mooches back in* Are you still here?
Imogen says: This is my house, you realise.
Fred says: *weeps in a corner*
Fred says: Why have you done this to me!?
Imogen says: *inspects nails* Uh... Boredom, really...
Imogen says: Do you think purple is my colour?
Fred says: This was my life.
Imogen says: Oh, all right
Imogen says: you can have your life back.
Imogen says: If you really want it
Fred says: And my hair?
Imogen says: To be honest it looks better the way it is. Now drink this goo.
Imogen says: *proffers glutinous goo*
Fred says: *Drinks the goo*
Fred says: *all of it*
Imogen says: HAHAHAHA
Imogen says: NOW YOU ARE MY ETERNAL SLAVE, HAVE BURNT HAIR AND YOU ALSO SMELL BAD!
Imogen says: HAHAHAHAHAAAA
Imogen says: *wanders out*
Fred says: :(
Imogen says: I win
Fred says: You always will :)

Beatrix's Trial

Morris Skully Ace Attorney: *scowls at Beatrix O'Reilly*
Fred: *scowls at Morris Skully*
Judge Bennett OBE: Beatrix O'Reilly, as I'm sure you're aware, this is your appeal. Your last chance. The crimes you stand accused of are despicable, but everyone deserves a fair trial.
Beatrix: *scowls at crotch*
Judge Bennett OBE: Let's just hope your lawyer is crap.
Beatrix: Objection!
Judge Bennett OBE: Overruled.
Beatrix: *scowls some more*
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: *looks optimistic*
Beatrix: *ejaculates on optimism*
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: "may we begin, your honour?"
Judge Bennett OBE: Proceed at your leisure, Sir Skully.
Beatrix: *grins like a psychopath*
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: *tastes Beatrix's cum of defeat*
Beatrix: Objection!
Judge Bennett OBE: What is it now?
Beatrix: It was not cum of defeat, your honour.
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: tasted like it
Judge Bennett OBE: Order!
Fred: *scowls at O'Reilly*
Fred: Let me make the objections!
Judge Bennett OBE: If you will not act like adults, I will force you to take a nap.
Judge Bennett OBE: Skully, whenever you're ready.
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: it's not nap time
Judge Bennett OBE: Exactly, Skully.
Beatrix: *mumbles something about children*
Judge Bennett OBE: Just get on with it will you.
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: I'm not sleepy
Fred: Just stay quiet, nonse.
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: SILENCE
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: yes thank you your honour
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: we stand here today to decide the fate of one Beatrix O'Reilly
Judge Bennett OBE has changed his/her name to "Judge Bennett Q-bloody-C."
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: your honour I'd like to call Ms O'Reilly to the stand
Fred: OBJECTION.
Judge Bennett: Yes, Winston?
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: Winston your honour?
Fred: I believe that it holds court in contempt to declare decision of fate so early in a trial
Fred: The accused stands here innocent until proven guilty
Judge Bennett: The defence, Skully, do pay attention.
Morris Skully Ace Attorney: maam I am the prosecution
Beatrix: D:
Morris Skully Ace Attourney has changed his/her name to "Morris Skully Ace Prosecution"
Judge Bennett: Very well, Winston. Skully, rephrase your opening statement.
Beatrix: LOOK, I'M INNOCENT, I AM
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: very well your honour
Judge Bennett: GRAHAM BE QUIET.
Beatrix: EHEHEHEEEEE
Judge Bennett: I will hold you in contempt of court if you don't shut up.
Fred: *whispers to accused, did you remember to burn the photos of you.... and the choir boys?*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: we are here today to establish whether or not the accused one Beatrix O'Reilly is guilty or innocent of the crimes she is accused of
Beatrix: *"Yes...No. Wait. Oh shi-"
Fred: *Oh....*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: may I call the accused to the stand your honour?
Judge Bennett: Go ahead, Jones.
Fred: Objection.
Beatrix: *What now?
Judge Bennett: What could you possibly object to in that, Winston?
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: I have here exhibit a
Beatrix: *What are you doing, Winston?!
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: I shall pass it to each one of you in turn
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: can you please tell me what this is, Beatrix?
Beatrix: I...uh
Beatrix: *ahem*
Fred: I would like defer the cross examination of said accused until the proceedings of other witnesses
Beatrix: Well
Beatrix: Yes
Judge Bennett: Overruled. Prosecution may continue.
Fred: *coughs and glares heavily*
Beatrix: LALALAAAA
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: just a moment your honour
Fred: *whispers, good, make them think you've gone insane.*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: I need to clean my teeth
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: brb
Beatrix: *Isn't that just what Radishbottom did?!*
Judge Bennett: ...
Judge Bennett: Call for break.
Judge Bennett: All rise.
Judge Bennett: *leaves*
Beatrix: *rises and sings Blue*
Fred: *For goodness sake, sit down*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ok im ready
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: thankyou your honour
Beatrix: *sits down again*
Judge Bennett: All rise for the Honourable Judge Bennett (QC)
Judge Bennett: Thank you.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *risez*
Beatrix: *rises...again*
Fred: *Rises in lethargy*
Judge Bennett: *sits*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ok
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *sits*
Beatrix: *sits*
Judge Bennett: Can we try and get this over by lunch please.
Beatrix: Yes please
Judge Bennett: Prosecution, where were we.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: yes maam
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ok
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: here i have exhibit A
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: i shall pass it to each of you in turn
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: Beatrix
Beatrix: Yessir?
Fred: *does cut throat sign*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: can you describe the evidence to the court
Beatrix: *takes exhibit*
Fred: *mimes deny everything*
Beatrix: It's um...
Judge Bennett: Hmm.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: Beatrix
Beatrix: It's a kebab.
Beatrix: *nods head fervently*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ...
Judge Bennett: O'Reilly, your mental records came back as perfectly normal.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *wiggles ass with delight*
Beatrix: D:
Judge Bennett: Please answer the questions sensibly.
Beatrix: I SEE A KEBAB, YOUR HONOUR
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ...
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: as the court can clearly see
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: this is a polaroid of sweet little Timmy
Fred: *stands up*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: he never meant to hurt nobody
Fred: Objection.
Beatrix: I see a kebab.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: he was always a good little boy
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: BUT THEN ONE DAY
Fred: OBJECTIOIN.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *glares at Beatrix*
Fred: OBJECTULATION!
Beatrix: *glares right back*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: the prosecution rests your honour
Beatrix: OJECTULATION
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *points finger at Beatrix*
Beatrix: *nibbles finger*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *sits down*
Beatrix: *sits on*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *continues pointing*
Beatrix: *continues nibbling*
Beatrix: Wait S:
Judge Bennett: Winston, you may start your defence.
Beatrix: D:
Beatrix: Why does your finger taste like poo?
Beatrix: *vomits on face*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: because
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: im an attourney
Beatrix: *vomits on attourney*
Fred: First of all.
Fred: *holds up item A*
Judge Bennett: O'Reilly, Skully, SHUT UP.
Beatrix: *vomits on item A, O'Reilly, Skully and shut up*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ...
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: OBJECTION
Judge Bennett: *bangs gavel*
Beatrix: *vomits on gavel*
Fred: This IS a kebab.
Beatrix: *vomits on kebab*
Beatrix: I don't know what's going on anymore
Judge Bennett: Barklings, the jury can clearly see it is not a kebab.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *mouths boobs 4 you at judge Bennett*
Judge Bennett: And as far as I know, the defence attorney can't plead insane.
Beatrix: Why not??
Judge Bennett: Skully, behave.
Judge Bennett: I'm not sure, O'Reilly.
Judge Bennett: Just one of those things.
Fred: Your honour
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ...
Fred: I demand silence in the court
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: objection
Beatrix: *vomits on objection*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: you have no right to make demands
Fred: I DEMAND JUSTICE.
Beatrix: *vomits on demands and justice*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: your honour id like to make a request
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: may i have the floor for a moment?
Judge Bennett: Skully, you were rested, as I recall.
Fred: Your honour
Fred: The floor is mine
Judge Bennett: Barklings, silence will be maintained for as long as I can keep it.
Judge Bennett: Continue.
Fred: I have not yet constructed a defence.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: i know your honour but in light of new evedence we'd like to re open our case
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: just for a few moments
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: pleeese your honour
Her Honour Judge: Please wait for the defence to finish.
Fred: *Sweats*
Judge Bennett: Barklings, would you like a few moments to prepare yourself?
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: fine
Fred: The weight of the evidence put before you, your honour and our good jury
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: but i warn you maam he's not a spooner
Fred: Is inconclusive at best
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: he wont holdyou till the morning comes
Fred: Tittar tatter at worst
Fred: Now I'd like to cross examine the accused
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: as soon as he's finished hes outta there
Judge Bennett: Jones, personal life is not relevant here. Now shut up or no happy ending.
Judge Bennett: Go ahead, Barklings.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: yes maam
Fred: Miss Graham, would it be fair to say that you are a person of weak stomach and mind:?
Beatrix: Yessir.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ...*erection*
Beatrix: Very much so.
Beatrix: D:
Fred: I put it to you jury
Fred: That the accused standing before you could not possibly have commited the acts of which she is confused
Fred: Nay
Fred: And inspite of whatever psychological examinations she has been put through
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: £20 Barklings is a fag
Fred: I put it to you that she is not emotionally stable
Beatrix: I'll go for that.
Beatrix: I mean
Fred: I put it to you that if she goes to prison, she'll just be another suicide case.
Beatrix: TRUTH
Fred: Or perhaps the jury feels that, that is simply paper work.
Fred: But I plead, emote, I put before you my large earnings when I say.
Fred: She is a human being
Fred: Nonse or not.
Fred: Thank you, your honour.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: ...
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: may i have the floor?
Judge Bennett: Briefly, Skully.
Judge Bennett: This had better be good.
Fred: Objection
Judge Bennett: Overruled.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: it will be your honour
Judge Bennett: Hurry it up then.
Judge Bennett: Lunch approaches.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: id like to present a very different kind of evidence to the court this morning
Fred: OBMOTHERFUCKINGYOURCHILDRENINTHEBUSHESJECTION.
Judge Bennett: Barklings, please leave the court and come back when you have composed yourself!
Fred: *greases back hair* Sorry your honour, I shall be seated.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: shall we wait your honour?
Judge Bennett: He is fine now, Skully. Continue.
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: id like to present my next peice of evedence with a little peice of dance
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *takes center stage*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *lights dim*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OPM3ex1jrk&feature=related
Judge Bennett: And what exactly, Skully, is this supposed to prove?
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: (AND THE COURT GOES WIILLLLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *w000t*
Fred: Your honour, I'd like to have this discounted as exhibitionism with no relevance. *greases back grease*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: well then im outta here hommiez
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *put jet pack on*
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: see yo later chikaz
Judge Bennett: Jury, go get a verdict.
Fred: See yo lata biiiiatttch!
Morris Skully Ace Prosecution: *PCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*

Sebastian's Trial Pt. 2

Fred has been added to the conversation.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Radishbottom the charges against you have already been stated
The Honourable Judge Morris says: if we’re moving too fast perhaps you’d do better to listen
The Honourable Judge Morris says: the charges brought before Mr. Radishbottom and this court are Several counts of Mischief and regular skulduggery
The Honourable Judge Morris says: now if you don’t mind i believe the prosecution has the floor
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thank you your honour"
Fred says: *glowers at Sebastian*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "Sgt. Winston"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "on the night of July the 14 you were on duty, were you not?"
Fred says: "Yeah... I mean, yes your honour."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thank you "
Sebastian says: iOBJENCTIONAS!
The Honourable Judge Morris says: OVER RULED
Sebastian says: AY AY AY AYYYY!!!!
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Radishbottom
The Honourable Judge Morris says: please keep quiet
The Honourable Judge Morris says: and keep the interjections English please
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "on the night in question did you encounter any Miscreants?"
Fred says: "A couple of hopper touting crank, and a Persian pimp."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "a Persian pimp you say "
Sebastian says: OBJECTION Sebastian says: a pimp is slander sir!
The Honourable Judge Morris says: might i ask if any of the aforementioned miscreants are in this court room today?
Sebastian says: "MISSTRIAL"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: OVER RULED
The Honourable Judge Morris says: KEEP QUIET MR. RADISHBOTTOM
The Honourable Judge Morris says: or i will hold you in contempt of court
Fred says: Pimp is what you are, bitch
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "would you care to answer Mr.Winston?"
Fred says: *spits on Sebastian*
Fred says: *Points at whom he spat*
Sebastian says: thank you sir
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thankyou "
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ORDER
(The Honourable Judge Morris says: ORDER IN THE COURT
The Honourable Judge Morris says: thankyou gentle men
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thankyou your honour"
Sebastian says: gentlemen
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "now Mr. Winston what was the accused up to on the night in question?"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "Sgt.?"
(22:17) Robert: "He was skullduggering.... and molesting children. Your honour."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thankyou "
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "defences whitness"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: thankyou Mr. Winston
Sebastian says: I whitnessed the whole thing
The Honourable Judge Morris says: the defence may now question the whitness
Sebastian says: yes i did indeed molest those children
Sebastian says: but there was absolutely no skullduggery involved, sir
The Honourable Judge Morris says: this is not an appeal Mr. Radishbottom
The Honourable Judge Morris says: QUESTION THE WHITNESS
Fred says: "On the night of Monday the 8th of September in the year 2008, Mr Radishbottom, where you or where you not conducting business at the mini taxi offices on Logan st.?"
Sebastian says: I was indeed.
Fred says: "And tell me, Mr Radishbottom, what does that business entail?"
Sebastian says: it entails a series of mini-taxis performing acts of a sexual nature upon clients whom i call "tricks"
Sebastian says: nothing illegal, sir.
Fred says: *takes out various tapes from a wire tap operation performed*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
Fred says: *plays*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: foul
Fred says: "Logans Mini taxis, how can I help you....?" - "I want some pussy." - "Get in."
Fred says: *stops tape*
Sebastian says: HAAA!!!!
Sebastian says: HAHAHAHA
Sebastian says: i love it when my bitches work.
Fred says: "What do you say to this Mr Radishbottom?"
Sebastian says: *lights up a spliff*
Sebastian says: yeah that's them
Sebastian says: what of it?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: THATS IT MR. RADISHBOTTOM
Fred says: *shoots spliff out of your mouth*
Fred says: "Not in my court of justice."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: im holding you in contempt of court
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Winston
The Honourable Judge Morris says: you may remain in court if you wish as a guest
Sebastian says: *wheezes out of a bong* yeah i'm in contempt
Sebastian says: what of it?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: but your testemony is no longer needed
The Honourable Judge Morris says: that means Mr. Radishbottom that youll be paying a £500 and spending toninght in jail
Sebastian says: *heroine injection* yeah, i'm going to jail, what of it?
Sebastian says: yeah okay
Sebastian says: sounds fair
Fred says: *Pins you against a wall*
Fred says: Why don't we just end it here Radishbottom.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "bailiff restrain the accused"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: *Mr. Radishbottom is pinned by the baliff and Winston*
Sebastian says: SHIIIIT
Sebastian says: AAARHGGHHA
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Winston restrain yourself
The Honourable Judge Morris says: we have 3 more whitnesses
The Honourable Judge Morris says: this is nowhere near over
The Honourable Judge Morris says: now SIT DOWN
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "baliff shoots tranquelizer"
Sebastian says: but the sentence has been given!
The Honourable Judge Morris says: *Fred slumps on the floor*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: NO
The Honourable Judge Morris says: you have been held in contempt
The Honourable Judge Morris says: that is a proliminary sentencing for your misbehgaviour in court
The Honourable Judge Morris says: this case is not over
The Honourable Judge Morris says: next whitness!!!!!
Sebastian says: I CALL TO THE STAND
Sebastian says: THE MARCH HARE
The Honourable Judge Morris says: im sorry Mr. Radishbottom
The Honourable Judge Morris says: its not your turn
The Honourable Judge Morris says: sit down
The Honourable Judge Morris says: or your one night will be made a week
The Honourable Judge Morris says: the next whitness please
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "i'd like to call to the stand"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "Ms. Gordonna Bennett"
Gordonna has been added to the conversation.
Sebastian says: IMPOSSIBLE
Fred says: *grunts*
Gordonna says: *cough*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Ms. Bennet
Gordonna says: *smile*
Sebastian says: HOE WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE
Gordonna says: Yes your honour?
Sebastian says: YOU GET BACK TO THE GHETTO BEFORE I BEAT YO ASS
Gordonna says: *stiff upper lip*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth
Gordonna says: So help me god, your honour.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ORDER
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "youll be tranquelized next Mr. Radishbottom, calm down!!!!!"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: thankyou
Gordonna says: *wipes eye with a tissue*
Fred says: *grunts again*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: order
The Honourable Judge Morris says: be quiet
Fred says: *coughs*
The Honourable Judge Morris says: whitness for the prosicution
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thank you your honour"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "Ms. Bennett you are a working girl are you not?"
Gordonna says: That I am, your honour.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "and you are in the employ of Mr. Radishbottom are you not"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ?
Fred says: *coughs, grunts, clears throat and smokes*
Gordonna says: I wouldn't say 'employ', exactly, your honour.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "well you work for him right?"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: what would you say?
Gordonna says: Yes I do.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "thankyou "
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "and on the night of july the fourteenth Mr. Radishbottom was arrested wasnt he?"
Gordonna says: Well, it's all a bit hazy, sir... Can't remember much these days.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: so you dont remember what the charges were?
Sebastian says: AAAAAAAAALLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Sebastian says: *BOOM!*

Sebastian's Trial Pt. 1

The Honourable Judge Morris says: Sebastian Harvey Radishbottom
Sebastian says: yes
The Honourable Judge Morris says: you stand accused of several counts of miscreancy and skull duggery
The Honourable Judge Morris says: how do you plead?
Sebastian says: I plead insanity.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
The Honourable Judge Morris says: does the defence agree?
Sebastian says: "yes sir, in fact we have a note from a doctor of psycho-analysis that this is indeed the case that he is a very, very sick minded individual."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ok
The Honourable Judge Morris says: well
The Honourable Judge Morris says: lets proceed with the prosecution anyway
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "if it pleases your honour the prosecution we would like to present our case in video form"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: proceed
The Honourable Judge Morris says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBb0zSmNevY
Sebastian says: SHIT this had better not be about the duck
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "the prosecutions rests your honour"
Sebastian says: "you honour, i'm afraid the defence has no comment at this time, recess plz?"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
The Honourable Judge Morris says: over ruled
The Honourable Judge Morris says: i don’t wish to drag this out any longer than we have to
The Honourable Judge Morris says: will the defence call your first witness?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
Sebastian says: "i would first like to call up to the stand, Mr James Earl Jones."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
The Honourable Judge Morris says: proceed
Sebastian says: NIGGER
Sebastian says: "MISTRIAL!"
Sebastian says: "yes indeed"
Sebastian says: "RACISMS!"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: hm...
The Honourable Judge Morris says: moving testimony
The Honourable Judge Morris says: but will the defence stick to relevant questions?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Radishbottom
Sebastian says: ur yes?
Sebastian says: "Sh, you don't need to answer that"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: excuse me what is the name of Mr. Radishbottoms defence?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Radishbottom
The Honourable Judge Morris says: what is your defences name?
Sebastian says: DAAAAAAN
Sebastian says: "i'm a lawyer, and i will hereby like to file suit against the judge for sexual harassment by referring to my client as Mr Radishbottom."
The Honourable Judge Morris says: ...
The Honourable Judge Morris says: over ruled
The Honourable Judge Morris says: this is not a sexual harassment suit hearing
The Honourable Judge Morris says: that will be dealt with at a later date
The Honourable Judge Morris says: will the prosecution please call your first witness?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "we'd like to call the right honourable reverend Winston to the stand"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: you ready for this?
Sebastian says: "yes indeedy".
Fred has been added to the conversation.
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr. Winston
The Honourable Judge Morris says: do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Mr.Winston?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: is there some problem?
Fred Fred has left the conversation.
Sebastian says: haaaaaaaaa
Sebastian says: "MISTRIAL"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: "the prosecution calls for a short recess"
The Honourable Judge Morris says: sustained
The Honourable Judge Morris says: this hearing is adjourned and will rejoin in 5 minutes
Sebastian says: HA
Sebastian says: i'm gunna go off scott free
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Court is now in session
Sebastian says: actually, question what i am being prosecuted for?
The Honourable Judge Morris says: Sgt. Winston of the NYPD will now testify
Fred has been added to the conversation.

Fred's Parasite

Fred: I don't normally eat chocolate but I'm having food urges
Gordonna: Food cravings?
Gordonna: Hmmm.
Gordonna: Have you noticed swelling ankles?
Fred: *checks*
Gordonna: Tenderness of the breasts?
Fred: Yes and yes...w-what does this mean?
Gordonna: ... I don't quite know how to put this, Mr. Winston...
Gordonna: You have a parasite.
Fred: *shudders*
Gordonna: I'm guessing you've had this parasite for about two months now.
Gordonna: Which gives you a good 7 months until it can be removed.
Gordonna: Though it may come out of its own volition.
Fred: ....and then?
Gordonna: And then you can knit it little booties and arrange play dates with the other proud owners of similar parasite.
Fred: *sigh*
Fred: I can't knit
Fred: I'm just not ready for all of this.... I wanted to have a career, a life....
Gordonna: There's always kicking yourself in the stomach.
Fred: But then, then there'll be a dead thing inside me.
Gordonna: That's why vacuum cleaners were invented, silly.
Fred: I don't know if Henry would appreciate something dead inside him either :\
Gordonna: You can borrow mine
Fred: Is your vacum cleaner a soulless one? Without eyes and a smile?
Gordonna: Yuuuup (:
Fred: So I beat myself in the stomach and this beast shall die? Then I vaccum it out and NEVER tell anybody it ever happened
Gordonna: Exxxxactly.
Gordonna: You could uh... Give the beast to me, if you don't want it
Fred: Dead or alive?
Gordonna: However it comes out
Fred: What if um... what if it comes out as a walrus?
Fred: Not that I'm saying that I erm, got up to anything last time I went fishing
Gordonna: Don't worry about it. Anything you say to me is entirely confidential.
Fred: It had been a long fishing trip, mostly fruitless...
Fred: And he was there, laying on the rocks, he offered me one of his fish and I couldn't say no
Gordonna: Go on..
Fred: He put a flipper round me.... I didn't object *sigh* I should've objected
Gordonna: I would classfiy this as rape! You should report this, he can't do this to a young innocent lad.
Robert: His name was Rupurt, but that was probably a lie... He gave me a number that doesn't work
Gordonna: This is so sad
Gordonna: *sniffle*
Robert: I think I might keep it... If I fry the baby then that'll be a big bitch slap to him...
Gordonna: Then invite him over and make him eat it!
Gordonna: I like your style.
Fred: I love it.
Fred: "So... Rupurt... enjoying your son, *cough* I mean steak." *stares coldly*
Gordonna: HaHA! stick it to him, girlfran!

Sebastian the Pimp

Fred says: I wish you were a pimp
Fred says: And I was a cop
Fred says: I could come to you for sex love partners after long shifts :)
Sebastian says: that would be awesome
Sebastian says: and my name would be "A Pimp Named Slick-Seb"
Fred says: What sort of suit would you wear?
Sebastian says: pinstripe
Sebastian says: with a red tie
Sebastian says: and white shoes
Sebastian says: and hair oiled back
Sebastian says: and face oiled forward.
Fred says: :D

An Introduction

Welcome to the strangely wonderful world of 'Stop Fighting, It's Only Dinner'; a collection of chat logs from a group of confused, androgenous, and horrifyingly explicit friends.