Forbidden Starfish Love

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You: Sorry, I'm retarded.
Stranger: NO! THIS IS PATRICK!
You: WHAT?
You: PATRICK?
You: GET OFF HERE, YOU BASTARD
Stranger: I am not a Krusty Krab.
You: I told you not to come back here.
You: Not since...
You: The Krusty Krab incident...
Stranger: You mean when we made sweet love on the Krusty Fryers?
You: QUIET
Stranger: There is no reason to be ashamed.
You: You must not speak of this, Patrick.
Stranger: What we did was a beautiful thing. When will you learn that
You: NEVER
You: I am... ashamed.
Stranger: Fine. Hide. Hide from yourself.
You: But, Patrick!
You: I can't help who I am!
Stranger: Accept who you are.
Stranger: Love who you are.
You: But -
Stranger: Love me.
Stranger: Kiss me.
You: *kisses Patrick passionately*
You: *lifts him up onto the Krusty fryer*
You: *spreads his starfish tenticles*
Stranger: http://img.4chan.org/b/src/1259289678723.jpg
You: Oh, anon, you.
Stranger: =3
You: Well, now I just don't know what to say.
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The Country Western Head Attachment

Imogen says:

Beatrix says:
ARGH
Imogen says:
D:
Imogen says:
:D
Imogen says:
Ah, the chance to horrify you comes around all too rarely
Beatrix says:
This going to be your costume then? ^^
Beatrix says:
Gonna get all the guys
Beatrix says:
I want to see what she looks like when she walks around...
Imogen says:
I know...D:
Imogen says:
And yes, I would get all the guys!
Imogen says:
I see that now!
Imogen says:
Thanks, Jo
Beatrix says:
Beatrix says:
No problem. See you tomorrow!
Imogen says:
Kay. If I don't find some pointy ears you can always go as yourself in 70 years time
Imogen says:
I would, but it's hard to make a stuffed dead husband at short notice.
Imogen says:
Anyway, I think I'll just hide the lame sameyness of my costume under fabulously backcombed hair.
Imogen says:
I might even put some twigs in it.
Beatrix says:
YAY
Imogen says:
LOL I just caught myself wondering where I could get twigs from at such short notice.
Imogen says:
Do you have any black eyeliner, for that special corpsey look? mine is grey and sparkly...
Beatrix says:
Nope...I have blue and brown though Beatrix says:
Oh! Did you manage to get any elf ears for my costume?
Imogen says:
I found a clip-on ear but it's not for attaching to your body, and it's not pointy.
Beatrix says:
D:
Imogen says:
In fact, it's barely an ear...
Beatrix says:
What...is it?
Imogen says:
It's half a butterfly.
Beatrix says:
.....
Beatrix says:
Thanks for your help.
Imogen says:
I did try! I even rummaged through the deepest and most sticky part of "The Hair Drawer" for you!
Imogen says:
Is that not love?
Imogen says:
The only way I could have proved myself even more to you would be involving a ring, Mordor and MY AXE.
Imogen says:
Ooh, with that green waistcoat I gave you Seb could go as Heath Ledger as the Joker
Imogen says:
Or is that a little too dark?
Beatrix says:
Hmm
Beatrix says:
We need face paints
Imogen says:
True... Alice had some for her video, but I think that she mentioned they were shit.
Beatrix says:
But you're right, that's love
Imogen says:
And my love knows no bounds...
Imogen says:
http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/ugly-people-511.htm
Imogen says:
Except maybe that.
Beatrix says:
What the hell is that coming out of his face?!
Imogen says:
...
Beatrix says:
Can I be the blue one?
Imogen says:
I don't know, but for some reason I imagine it singing...
Beatrix says:
And why is the thing coming out of his face defying gravity??
Imogen says:
I don't know. Maybe "I wanna know what love is"?
Imogen says:
That song.
Imogen says:
Ooh, or "Hurt"
Imogen says:
The NIN version, not Johnny Cash
Beatrix says:
You think that the suspiciously sausage shaped thing coming out of his face that appears to be floating is a song?
Beatrix says:
Sung by Johnny Cash?
Imogen says:
No...That it's singing a song...
Beatrix says:
Oh
Imogen says:
By Nine Inch Nails.
Beatrix says:
Yes, I can see that
Beatrix says:
No, wait
Beatrix says:
I reckon 'Nettie' by Type O'Negative
Beatrix says:
*inhumanely deep voice*
Imogen says:
Maybe it does a track rotation
Beatrix says:
"Netttieeeeeee"
Beatrix says:
"No neeeeeed to cryyyyyyyyy"
Beatrix says:
It might have a whole set
Beatrix says:
I reckon it does Abba's Greatest Hits
Imogen says:
Mybe he has different colours of weird head attachments, each with a different genre?
Beatrix says:
A cowboy hat, definitely
Imogen says:
The yellow one would sing songs about vomit, though.
Beatrix says:
I can't imagine there are many of those
Imogen says:
Uh...
Imogen says:
*thinks back*
Imogen says:
I think "Because I Got High" mentions vomit at some point
Imogen says:
But I can't be sure...
Beatrix says:
Beatrix says:
I really don't remember
Imogen says:
Oh, and one of Eminems songs definately does
Imogen says:
"Mom's spaghetti"?
Imogen says:
Never mind.
Beatrix says:
At a night with full moon,
Blessed by priests of evil,
Marked with the sign of goat,
I've turn my back to you,
My destiny is to be fell,
I spit on your face,
I'm the black vomit of hell
Beatrix says:
There you go
Beatrix says:
Found some
Imogen says:
What was that?
Beatrix says:
Uh
Beatrix says:
Choosed to be the offensor of Christ
Evil, disgusting and bloody mind
He was belched forth of hell
To torment the son of god...
Lucifer designate me to this work
Because I love to xxxx you
Eat your delicious mother
Blaspheming over your Trinity
I was born by semen of Satan
Beatrix says:
While your mother cry under your feet
I smile by your disgrace
Suffering is the only thing
Which I desire to you
Christ you is a liar
Satan is my master
And command my mind to total disaster
Christ I will fuck
All the bastards
Who believe in yours words of love
Christ I hate you
With all my forces
Will piss on your corpse and eat your flesh
Imogen says:
Oh right, it's one of my Dad's.
Beatrix says:
Black Vomit by Sarcogofago
Imogen says:
DON'T CONTRADICT ME.
Imogen says:
All satanic songs are by my Dad.
Beatrix says:
I know.
Imogen says:
Do you think weird head attachment guy does concerts?
Beatrix says:
Definitely.
Imogen says:
We should go.
Beatrix says:
I'm on his fansite at the moment
Beatrix says:
He's on tour round Hungary right now
Imogen says:
But that's so far away...
Beatrix says:
I don't think it's the guy who does the concerts though...
Beatrix says:
I think it's his head attachment
Imogen says:
Yeah, but he's the manager.
Beatrix says:
Yeah
Imogen says:
He probably oraganises the whole deal.
Beatrix says:
The head attachment has all the charisma
Imogen says:
Maybe the head attachment is under his power though?
Beatrix says:
And stage presence
Imogen says:
Perhaps he's keeping it captive
Imogen says:
milking its talent
Beatrix says:
I reckon the man is under the power of the head attachment
Imogen says:
Like a leech in a bodysock.
Beatrix says:
Exactly
Imogen says:
Possibly his crotch has some say though.
Beatrix says:
What does the green one sing about?
Imogen says:
It's the only part of his body resisting the red body sock with some kind of forcefield...
Imogen says:
And the green one sings country and western
Imogen says:
but only the ones about wife beating
Imogen says:
And some Sheryl Crowe
Beatrix says:
What about the pink one?
Imogen says:
Basement Jaxx Greatest Hits.
Imogen says:
No compromise on that one
Imogen says:
It's also the only weird head attachment capable of singing in harmony with itself
Imogen says:
Unfortunately it is also immobile
Imogen says:
The others waggle around a little as they sing.
Beatrix says:
How do you know?
Imogen says:
Just look into his eyes, Beatrix.
Imogen says:
Can't you see?
Beatrix says:
Eyes?
Beatrix says:
Do you mean those lumps?
Imogen says:
Also, you know how supernatural obsessees go on about orbs of light being ghosts and fairies and such?
Beatrix says:
Yes?
Imogen says:
Look at his crotch
Beatrix says:
What do you think that is?!
Imogen says:
Either he has slight ghostly activity around his already forcefield creating crotch
Imogen says:
Or he has suspicious stains
Imogen says:
I think I'll leave that to the jury
Beatrix says:
It seems to be emanating light somehow...
Imogen says:
Finally, Jo, we have the proof we need.
Imogen says:
let's go!
Beatrix says:
Imogen says:
To the White House!
Imogen says:
*zooms*
Beatrix says:
*soars*
Imogen says:
Really? Soaring?
Beatrix says:
I can't zoom
Imogen says:
Ah.
Imogen says:
How's that working out for you?
Beatrix says:
Fine, I guess
Imogen says:
I'll just have a look under your bonnet
Imogen says:
*lifts lid to Beatrix*
Imogen says:
Well I can see your problem right here
Beatrix says:
I didn't know I had a -
Imogen says:
SPLICH
Beatrix says:
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
Imogen says:
SPLICHHHHHH
Beatrix says:
*stares horrified at pulsating head attachment*
Beatrix says:
YOU!
Imogen says:
I think the more relevant question NOW is what WAS that?!
Imogen says:
It's dead...
Beatrix says:
But - why?
Beatrix says:
And how?
Imogen says:
I think you frightened it
Beatrix says:
To death?
Imogen says:
You've had a lucky escape, ma'am
Imogen says:
Any longer and it would have had you under its power
Beatrix says:
It power?
Beatrix says:
It died almost instantly...
Imogen says:
Singing Abba's Greatest Hits in Hungary
Imogen says:
And attracting small fairies to your forcefield emanating crotch
Beatrix says:
Do you think it sings it in English?
Imogen says:
No.
Imogen says:
Some kind of Spanish or Portugese dialect
Imogen says:
I can't really tell.
Beatrix says:
Not German?
Beatrix says:
Or Latin?
Imogen says:
Sometimes it sings in a German accent.
Imogen says:
And it sings in Latin only on public holidays
Beatrix says:
Every public holiday?
Imogen says:
No, it doesn't celebrate Hanukkah.
Imogen says:
And Thanksgiving is a little iffy.
Beatrix says:
It's not religious then?
Imogen says:
Thanksgiving isn't religious
Beatrix says:
I thought it was some religion for turkey lovers?
Imogen says:
And the fact of the matter is that weird head attachments like pork too much to be Jewish.
Imogen says:
Thanksgiving is an American Stealing Land From the Indians thing
Imogen says:
I think?
Beatrix says:
Oh
Beatrix says:
Does Head Attachment not approve?
Beatrix says:
Maybe it's Indian?
Beatrix says:
Sorry, Native American
Imogen says:
I'm not sure
Imogen says:
I think it just identifies too much with turkeys
Imogen says:
You know, what with their saggy face attachments
Beatrix says:
Ahhh
Imogen says:
Also the gobbling is actually a form of song
Beatrix says:
Oh
Beatrix says:
You seem to understand them
Beatrix says:
*glares suspiciously*
Imogen says:
I've been dealing with these guys for years.
Imogen says:
*opens coat to reveal arsenal of weird head attachment removal specific weapons*
Imogen says:
First, it starts with an inability to zoom.
Beatrix says:
...
Beatrix says:
Ahem
Beatrix says:
It's not what you think...
Imogen says:
After that, a tendency to wear semi transparent colourful body tights
Beatrix says:
*Phew*
Imogen says:
You're fine, yours is dead.
Beatrix says:
Thank God
Imogen says:
We got it just in time
Imogen says:
But if you feel an urge to wear, you know... then let me know.
Imogen says:
I'll sort you right out
Imogen says:
*caresses gun*
Beatrix says:
How?
Beatrix says:
Medicine?
Imogen says:
*caresses gun more obviously*
Beatrix says:
Psychiatry sessions?
Imogen says:
*rubs gun on naked body*
Beatrix says:
Group therapy?
Beatrix says:
Hypnosis??
Imogen says:
*passionately kisses gun whilst committing unspeakable acts*
Beatrix says:
I don't get it...
Imogen says:
*gives up*
Imogen says:
I just don't do anal, not even with my gun
Beatrix says:
I'll have to rape a foetus?
Beatrix says:
That's gross...
Beatrix says:
You're sick
Imogen says:
The foetus raping isn't mandatory
Beatrix says:
Thanks
Imogen says:
You may also stare at this photograph for the rest of ETERNITY:
Imogen says:


Beatrix says:
URGH
Imogen says:
Don't like that one?
Beatrix says:
That's even worse than that one of the woman giving birth to herself
Beatrix says:
I'm going to bed, that's so gross
Beatrix says:
Bye, perv.
Imogen says:


Imogen says:
WAIT
Imogen says:
This one is better, I promise!
Beatrix says:
*vomits*
Beatrix says:
*writes song about it*
Beatrix says:
*sells it to Yellow Head Attachment*
Beatrix says:
Goodnight.
Beatrix says:
Urgh.

Drip Dry

Fred says:
Period.....
Sebastian says:
yeah
Sebastian says:
same with me...
Fred says:
Want a tampon?
Sebastian says:
nah, I drip dry